Update: London Bridge (And Keith) are Now Falling Down

Let me start off by saying that Keith is doing great.  He took amazing care of me the other night when I drank and perished.  Even though he let me call my parents.  And drink a vanilla vodka/lemonade mixture.  But I'm looking beyond that.  I promise I'm totally over it.  So the following post is not at all an act of revenge, but merely a report of factual events, presented without slant or judgement.  

The evening started out respectfully enough, with some home-cooked bulgogi...

...courtesy of Alex.

It was incredibly delicious...

although I must admit, it was on the spicy side.  

...but Alex is the devil, so it’s only fitting that his food burns with the fire of a thousand hellish demons.

 "Ha, Ha..." --Alex

Once that was finished, we went out to find a suitable pub...

Yet...

 ...and met up with some of Keith’s old friends from Uni.

Keith and I with Dr Ed, Russel and Alex.  Before the world ended.

Post pub, we wanted to go to some gay gay gay bar because Keith (gay) wanted to dance (gay).  He was pretty psyched.....

 Yay!

....until the security guard refused to let him in, citing drunkenness as an excuse.  She told him to “get a coffee and return in twenty minutes.” 

In Keith’s defense, I have seen him pretty drunk in my day—but at that moment last night, he was very much fine....

 

 It's to stir the cream in his coffee.

...until he wasn't.  

Having been denied, we went across the way to what turned out to be a piano bar where many failed actors come to sing show tunes.  

People Performing Poorly as Keith Dies Inside.  

This scene is pretty much my waking nightmare, so thankfully we didn’t last very long here. 

Once we left, Keith and I headed off to our flat to get a nice, early bedtime so that we’d be refreshed and well-rested for our early morning flight to Helsinki...

...is what I’d be typing if we were responsible adults.  But, we’re not. And Alex is a deviant...

...so we went back to try and get into the club again.  After an unsure moment or two...

Because being drunker is the key to success.

...we were admitted.  And then we lost Keith.

I mean, he was there....

...but I don’t know where he was.

The world through Keith's eyes. 

At one point, he coerced me into buying shots for these ladies...

...because it was one of their birthdays.  She turned 21. 

That’s the last thing Keith says he remembers.

He does not remember the five hundred more drinks...

...or the dancing...

...or saying goodbye to his friends...

...or the cab ride to the flat...

...or this bit...

...or passing out on the couch...

...while I tried to hydrate him...

...and feed him things...

                        

What would YOU choose?

...at 4AM.

When the alarm went off less than three hours later, I quickly hit the snooze button....or I turned it off.  Oops.  It wasn’t until Alex began frantically texting and calling and Face-timing us around 8 that I realized we had a problem: The car taking us to the airport was due to arrive in less than 30 minutes.  And Keith was still very much passed out.

I found him, unmoved, on the couch in the living room.  “Keith, we need to get up.”  “Why?” he asked.  When I explained the situation, we began running around the flat in a panic like were in a Benny Hill sketch.  

Stop taking pictures, we gotta GOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

F!

Soon, Alex came by watch the show...

"I like this show!"

...and although we are grateful to him for waking us up and pouring us into a cab, I feel it is important to note that he is the devil, and that he tried to kill us. 

Seriously.

Keith and I did somehow manage to make it to the airport.  I half expected the gate agent to tell him to get a coffee and come back in 20 minutes, since we reek of booze.  And may, in fact, still be drunk.  But somehow, they let us through...

...which was probably a mistake since we are not yet people.  In fact, while at Duty Free, Keith handed me his passport and asked me to hold it.  Five seconds later, I see him frantically searching his bag and pockets.  I asked what he was looking for.  "My passport!!"

...

We're doing great.

So now we are about to begin the Navia portion of Scandalnavia...

See you in Helsinki.  Which will quickly become Helstinki, because Keith and I did not have time to shower yet. 

And then it will become Heldrinki.

And then, just Hel.

Can someone please send some Help...sinki?