Ber-gay-en

From my "extensive" internet research, it turns out that Bergen's "oldest" gay bar appears to be Bergen's "only" gay bar - FINCKEN.

On our first night in Bergen, we made our way to Fincken after our mountaintop dinner...and were greeted by a grand total of five to six bar patrons.  It was a Wednesday night, so the fact that the bar wasn't packed really wasn't all that shocking.  The most shocking thing about Fincken was their bathrooms:




gayest.

bathrooms.

ever.

seriously.

Night one at Fincken ended when Jeff found the bar's copy of Norweigan Scrabble.

Norweigan Scrabble hilarity ensued.

For our second night in Bergen...after a full day of fjording...we headed back to Fincken and their bathrooms full of Rainbow Brite poop - because Bergen's only gay bar felt like the best place to watch Eurovision semi-finals, part two (Eurovision semi-finals part one happened while in Stockholm - which we skipped simply because we were having such a good time with Emma and Eli).



For those not in the know, Eurovision is a yearly pop music competition.  European countries each pick a performer/original song to send.  These songs are usually amazing and/or terrible and/or outrageous and/or very very gay.  Most of the time, they are all of the above.  All of Europe votes via phone/text.  It's kinda like American Idol...only Eurovision pre-dates American Idol...by a lot. As in, this competition was started after World War II as a way to bring Europe back together.  Or something.

** Eurovision Fun Facts: ABBA won Eurovision back in the 70s with their song "Waterloo."  Celine Dion won Eurovision back in the 80s when she competed via Switzerland...even though she is French-Canadian.  So the whole is totally a legit competition.  With very rigid standards.

One of the major reasons why we are on this Scandalnavia trip is to go see the Eurovision finals in Copenhagen.  But first, we had to see these second semi-finals in Bergen's oldest gay bar.
Fincken was a thousand times more crowded on Eurovision semi-final part two night that it was the night before -- because it turned out that Norway's entry was competing to get into the finals that night.

People were all very excited.  When it came time for Norway's performance, I thought certain bar patrons were going to explode with gay-citement.  One amazing girl was jumping up and down in her seat like her entire life depended on Norway making it into the finals.  It was all very adorable.

      She really is verycute!

The bartender (who recognized us from the night before) even asked us for confirmation that we loved the Norweigan entry.  Jeff and I totally nodded our heads furiously...even though...that song...is a total snoozefest about "silent storms" that rage inside of all of us.  Who were we to insult Norway?





Oh.  

Right.

* * *

The highlights of the night were:

"Miracle" from Romania



 
Circle keyboards!  Women teleporting onstage!



"Coming Home" from Malta (Keith & Asan's favorite)





Boys singing about coming...home!


"Hunter of Stars" from Switzerland (Jeff's new favorite/new boyfriend)





Whistling!  And more whistling!


"My Slowanie - We are Slavs" from Poland (my favorite of the night)





I mean, there are half-naked Slavic women with their boobs out doing laundry BY HAND and others churning butter ALSO BY HAND.

It really doesn't get any better than that.


EXCEPT then, soon after, Austria's entry appeared -- CONCHITA WURST





She is an Australian drag queen with a beard singing about "rising" like a phoenix.  And...her voice isn't...half bad?

During some brutal banter with the host, it was revealed that Conchita's father has made a sausage named after her.  That's right...you can go to Austria...and put your mouth around a giant piece of Conchita Wurst.

The female host, Lise, tried to do a bit about how she would like to record a duet album with Conchita and she would be named LISE CHORIZO.  The bit even included a mocked up album cover:



Conchita was very gracious and laughed.

I did not. (Ok...maybe I did...but it was a laugh filled with punShame)

Although maybe I should have?

In the end, ten acts made it through to the finals including -- Conchita, the Poland milk maids, Malta's answer to Mumford & Sons, and Jeff's whistling Swiss boyfriend.

They are all moving on the finals...but only one country will be crowned the WINNER!

Personally, I am rooting for the boys from France who want a moustache:




Jeff wanted the Latvian entry about cake baking to win:


BUT they didn't make it past the first semi-finals...so they were sent back home...without a clue at all.
And speaking of clueless, we are heading to Copenhagen now to see Eurovision for ourselves.

Perhaps it will be the WURST Eurovision ever?



#JOINUS